Trying to keep a balance

I'm in such a weird place in life right now. It's full of transitions. Bill is super close to the end of his degree, but the end date isn't set in stone and he just doesn't have a clue how long it is going to take. We thought we would graduate in May but there ended up being some setbacks and now we don't know.

It's getting close to the end of the school year. I had planned to be gone in June. Now that I think we'll be here I'm like dang, I've got to think about summer and what we're going to do around here. Summers with school-aged kids seem way harder than when they were younger without a plan. Money is a factor. Our rural location is a factor.

I've registered Genevieve to kindergarten but I don't know that we'll be here, so I'm torn on committing to things or not. They have a Jump into Kindergarten event planned this week and requested parents only bring the incoming kindergartener. Why do schools do that? Even normally that is a bit tough but I'm soloing this week so that's not even possible. I don't really care to find someone to watch three of my kids so my one can feel extra special, yet I don't want to get the sidelong look if I bring everyone. Ugh. It's not like she hasn't been to the school a million times, but it would be fun to go just for her. I feel guilty no matter what I choose to do. Love that mom guilt!

I was in the thick of downsizing and thinking of what we want to keep and what we're ready to part with and the delay in finishing has made me want to settle back in so I don't feel perpetually in limbo. Except I do feel in limbo anyway.

Every time I go to Costco or look think about buying meat from my beloved Zaycon Foods company, the thought always pops up, I don't want to over purchase so that I have to throw a bunch of stuff away when we move. Except we don't know when that will be. Gah!

I'm getting the itch to build things again too with the advent of summer and Chloe getting bigger and more independent. I can't wait for her to start walking so that she can hang out outside while we do stuff without having to be carried everywhere. There's too many biting bugs for me to feel comfortable letting her crawl around in the yard.

We're perpetually practicing songs in primary at church that we'll eventually use in the primary program in the fall. I'm wildly curious to see if I'll even be here to accompany the program or not.

Basically I want to have deadlines and make plans around future events, but I can't because our timeline is completely in the air. It's a very uncomfortable place to be. I'm trying to own it but I just feel off kilter. Here's to getting a bit more comfortable and most importantly, for Bill's research to get over the current bumps and he be able to see the end of the dissertation come back into sight. Send happy thoughts my way that I'll handle the weirdness better than I currently am between now and whenever the end of this phase is.