Last month was a real struggle for me. I felt completely overwhelmed with what I had on my plate. I didn't really see an end in sight to those and it was hard. Thing is, it's not like anything had changed except I had gotten further along in my pregnancy. I don't really care for the sensation of being overwhelmed and down on life, so I started wondering what had changed. And guess what? It was pretty simple. I had stopped getting good sleep. I mean, I can only get so good of sleep right now since I wake up multiple times a night, but Bill has been pulling crazy late hours doing research and I had started staying up later and later just doing whatever I was doing, fiddling around on projects or work or whatever else until midnight or later every night, getting up at 6AM to work, and just being thoroughly exhausted throughout the rest of every day.
I have no idea why I never seem to learn this lesson. I have night owl tendencies, but early morning responsibilities, which forever come in conflict. But this is not the first time and I'm certain won't be the last where I learn yet again that I need to prioritize sleep. It's kind of one of those duh moments. It's especially important right now because come end of June my sleep is going to get real crazy for a few months and I'm going to have to weather through that newborn phase.
So here's to going to bed at night and remembering that taking care of that need makes everything else easier.
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Updates
I feel like I'm just in a circle talking about the same two things over and over, but really, most of my world right now is consumed with feeding my kids and hanging on for the last five weeks of this pregnancy and that's about all I've got.
So let's see, updates. I got a prenatal massage yesterday. It was lovely. It really improved my mood and I felt great the rest of the day.
I had my last prenatal appointment at my midwife's house. I'm having this baby at home, so after 36 weeks along she'll come to me. I do have one more appointment with an OB to finalize that I can indeed have a home birth. Don't get me started on the ridiculousness of that law in South Carolina, but this OB is a nice guy and he will prescribe all the medications I will want on hand just in case there are any complications when I'm in labor, so we'll just focus on that and call it good. She's head down and dropping and all in all in a very good place for 35 weeks pregnant. It's less than a month until my mom flies in and
And now Spencer updates. I don't weigh my kids much, but with the brushing routine thing with Spencer with his OT stuff I am in contact with him a lot more than usual and I noticed this week his knees had gotten exceptionally knobbly. I didn't really connect the dots, but earlier this week I asked him to weigh himself. To my dismay he had lost almost 10 percent body weight from his well child visit back in January. That was terrifying.
We've been doing the Satter method like I described last week. It makes life much simpler for food battles. Except he turned it on its head by deciding at dinner every single night plus most lunches that he'd rather not eat anything, and I've watched any fat there was strip off his bones and he has circles under his eyes and his moods are deteriorating. Lately he'll come and say he's hungry, but if I give him an option that isn't the two or three foods on his firmly comfortable with it list, he says never mind, actually I'm not hungry and walks away. I don't even know what to do with that. I still think it's a good eating method that could work for us long term, but right now not so much.
I don't quite know where to turn. We got him into OT but are now on hold because his insurance denied the OT office's claims. I may take him to the pediatrician, but I honestly don't know what she would do. She hasn't typically been helpful in this area. I don't know if there's a specialist that would be better. It seems like healthcare professionals all start talking about just have him eat these foods and he'll be fine, except he doesn't eat any of those. They always look shocked and I'm like obviously you don't have expertise in this field if this concept that a kid will not actually put food in his mouth even if he's starving is foreign to you and that it's possible for a kid to utterly refuse all categories of food but crackers, peanut butter, and ice cream. There has got to be help out there, people who have experienced this and actually gotten through, yet I don't know where. So consider this a call for help. If you have any clue about this area, I'm all ears. Otherwise I just keep muddling through hoping for some inspiration or breakthrough or something that will help us get out of this hellish phase. It's getting the best of me at the moment.
So let's see, updates. I got a prenatal massage yesterday. It was lovely. It really improved my mood and I felt great the rest of the day.
I had my last prenatal appointment at my midwife's house. I'm having this baby at home, so after 36 weeks along she'll come to me. I do have one more appointment with an OB to finalize that I can indeed have a home birth. Don't get me started on the ridiculousness of that law in South Carolina, but this OB is a nice guy and he will prescribe all the medications I will want on hand just in case there are any complications when I'm in labor, so we'll just focus on that and call it good. She's head down and dropping and all in all in a very good place for 35 weeks pregnant. It's less than a month until my mom flies in and
And now Spencer updates. I don't weigh my kids much, but with the brushing routine thing with Spencer with his OT stuff I am in contact with him a lot more than usual and I noticed this week his knees had gotten exceptionally knobbly. I didn't really connect the dots, but earlier this week I asked him to weigh himself. To my dismay he had lost almost 10 percent body weight from his well child visit back in January. That was terrifying.
We've been doing the Satter method like I described last week. It makes life much simpler for food battles. Except he turned it on its head by deciding at dinner every single night plus most lunches that he'd rather not eat anything, and I've watched any fat there was strip off his bones and he has circles under his eyes and his moods are deteriorating. Lately he'll come and say he's hungry, but if I give him an option that isn't the two or three foods on his firmly comfortable with it list, he says never mind, actually I'm not hungry and walks away. I don't even know what to do with that. I still think it's a good eating method that could work for us long term, but right now not so much.
I don't quite know where to turn. We got him into OT but are now on hold because his insurance denied the OT office's claims. I may take him to the pediatrician, but I honestly don't know what she would do. She hasn't typically been helpful in this area. I don't know if there's a specialist that would be better. It seems like healthcare professionals all start talking about just have him eat these foods and he'll be fine, except he doesn't eat any of those. They always look shocked and I'm like obviously you don't have expertise in this field if this concept that a kid will not actually put food in his mouth even if he's starving is foreign to you and that it's possible for a kid to utterly refuse all categories of food but crackers, peanut butter, and ice cream. There has got to be help out there, people who have experienced this and actually gotten through, yet I don't know where. So consider this a call for help. If you have any clue about this area, I'm all ears. Otherwise I just keep muddling through hoping for some inspiration or breakthrough or something that will help us get out of this hellish phase. It's getting the best of me at the moment.
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Eating Update
It's been an interesting few months on the eating front, punctuated by some gains and other complications emerging. We started back in January pushing Spencer much harder to eat more normal and closer to what the rest of us eat. We instituted a one-bite rule but then super emphasized that we wanted him to taste everything so he could experience new flavors, but then just eat until his stomach was satisfied. It sort of worked. He definitely ate more food, but there were a few complications that emerged as side effects.
First, Spencer has never been a speedy eater, but it got so he was sitting at the table for two or even three hours before he was willing to buckle down and eat. And when he did eat, he ate a single bite of everything and then left, saying he was full. We had to do an incredible amount of emotional management with him as well to keep him from dissolving into tears constantly. He was very stressed. He doesn't have any kind of eating success when he's stressed and crying. It's not a method that has ever worked for him. When his emotions ramp up, his ability to cope pretty much disappears and never comes back.
We also started some occupational therapy in the form of play therapy last month. His therapist is great. We only go once a week, so she's still kind of figuring him out. We'll see what comes of it. I have hopes for success there. He's doing a brushing routine where we brush his extremities and back every two hours, hopefully to minimize some of the stress in his world. We've been doing it for a few weeks. I'm not completely sure we're seeing results, but hey, I'm also not quitting it. I think it might be helping a bit.
This week I just got really tired of the sheer amount of time eating was taking in our world. One of my concerns is about how short lunchtime is at kindergarten and whether Spencer will be able to eat in that amount of time. Taking two and three hours to eat both lunch and dinner is completely counter productive to him learning this skill, so I decided to make some changes. I've read loads of books and things about eating and the approach I most agree with is by Ellen Satter. If you haven't heard of it, it's basically a division of power. The parents pick the food and the location of meals, the kid decides if and how much of the food they eat. There's certainly more to it than that, as she's written a couple books about it, but that's the barebones.
This is sort of what we were doing all this year, but I've been too scared to fully implement it, or go full Satter, as people in this little eating world call it. See, Spencer is really skinny. He's gained very little weight in the last 18 months. I'm concerned about his growth being stunted. But I think he may have actually lost weight in the last couple months, which concerns me. I'm trying not to fixate on this, but mostly I'm just concerned that he get enough to eat to grow. I think the food issues affect his moods, which are often pretty negative, so it's a multi-faceted problem. But it's become apparent that what we're doing isn't turning into long-term improvement, so yesterday I started the full Satter approach. It requires I be a lot more structured in our meals/snacks, which will be a good thing. It will also help my other kids, who are in the throes of toddler and preschool eating craziness as well. So I'm making whatever I'm going to make, and then talking constantly about how I make the food and they decided whether to eat or not. It's a process to get them to understand how things are going to work. I think it's going to take a few days of constant effort to get the routine down. But I'm hoping for good things.
In addition I've started setting a limit on mealtime length. I'm trying out half an hour for now. That might change. Spencer didn't finish his lunch in that time today and it's been like 30 minutes since lunch and he just asked me for a snack. I told him we'd have a snack in a couple hours and reminded him this is why we need to eat at lunch instead of looking out the window or otherwise doing anything but eating. So we shall see. This still feels like my kryptonite, but I'm not hopeless like I've been at other points.
First, Spencer has never been a speedy eater, but it got so he was sitting at the table for two or even three hours before he was willing to buckle down and eat. And when he did eat, he ate a single bite of everything and then left, saying he was full. We had to do an incredible amount of emotional management with him as well to keep him from dissolving into tears constantly. He was very stressed. He doesn't have any kind of eating success when he's stressed and crying. It's not a method that has ever worked for him. When his emotions ramp up, his ability to cope pretty much disappears and never comes back.
We also started some occupational therapy in the form of play therapy last month. His therapist is great. We only go once a week, so she's still kind of figuring him out. We'll see what comes of it. I have hopes for success there. He's doing a brushing routine where we brush his extremities and back every two hours, hopefully to minimize some of the stress in his world. We've been doing it for a few weeks. I'm not completely sure we're seeing results, but hey, I'm also not quitting it. I think it might be helping a bit.
This week I just got really tired of the sheer amount of time eating was taking in our world. One of my concerns is about how short lunchtime is at kindergarten and whether Spencer will be able to eat in that amount of time. Taking two and three hours to eat both lunch and dinner is completely counter productive to him learning this skill, so I decided to make some changes. I've read loads of books and things about eating and the approach I most agree with is by Ellen Satter. If you haven't heard of it, it's basically a division of power. The parents pick the food and the location of meals, the kid decides if and how much of the food they eat. There's certainly more to it than that, as she's written a couple books about it, but that's the barebones.
This is sort of what we were doing all this year, but I've been too scared to fully implement it, or go full Satter, as people in this little eating world call it. See, Spencer is really skinny. He's gained very little weight in the last 18 months. I'm concerned about his growth being stunted. But I think he may have actually lost weight in the last couple months, which concerns me. I'm trying not to fixate on this, but mostly I'm just concerned that he get enough to eat to grow. I think the food issues affect his moods, which are often pretty negative, so it's a multi-faceted problem. But it's become apparent that what we're doing isn't turning into long-term improvement, so yesterday I started the full Satter approach. It requires I be a lot more structured in our meals/snacks, which will be a good thing. It will also help my other kids, who are in the throes of toddler and preschool eating craziness as well. So I'm making whatever I'm going to make, and then talking constantly about how I make the food and they decided whether to eat or not. It's a process to get them to understand how things are going to work. I think it's going to take a few days of constant effort to get the routine down. But I'm hoping for good things.
In addition I've started setting a limit on mealtime length. I'm trying out half an hour for now. That might change. Spencer didn't finish his lunch in that time today and it's been like 30 minutes since lunch and he just asked me for a snack. I told him we'd have a snack in a couple hours and reminded him this is why we need to eat at lunch instead of looking out the window or otherwise doing anything but eating. So we shall see. This still feels like my kryptonite, but I'm not hopeless like I've been at other points.
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Pregnancy Update
All I can really think about is how soon I'll have this baby, so I figure I might as well blog about what's on my mind, right? :)
I had my 32-week midwife appointment this morning. I'm measuring measuring 34 weeks at this point, which is super heartening to me as it just might mean she'll come early. Whether it means that or not, I thoroughly appreciate the attitude boost it gives me.
My midwife and I decided we don't think she's a particularly large baby at this point. It still seems like she has room to move, which this far along my bigger babies didn't, and it was readily apparent to me as I got pummeled from the inside out. So that's also heartening to me right now. I love all my 8+ lb babies because they eat so well and thrive fast, but heck, having this one be in the 7-lb range would be completely welcome for the whole giving birth part and still be a plenty healthy size. I haven't even the slightest clue how big she'll actually be, so this is all conjecture and forecast, but that is what it is.
It's gotten really hard to sleep of late and that's done a number on my mental state. It's really easy to get frustrated over everything these days, so I'm definitely doing my best to find ways to stay positive. It just goes with the end of pregnancy that this is the biggest struggle, so it's all normal, but I'm in the thick of it right now.
I didn't think it was possible after my other three pregnancies to carry a baby more in front than I did before, but sure enough, this one is proving me wrong. It makes my back pretty sore, and I was concerned that I would tear muscles like I did with Genevieve, but so far so good. I have lots of contractions all the time, as is also pretty normal after multiple pregnancies, and anytime I do anything of even minimal effort, my poor body rebels, but hey, I can now say this baby is coming next month and that is golden. Also, my mom just booked her ticket to come help me with the baby, and that totally makes my day.
So there it is. Pregnancy at 32 weeks 4 days. I'm counting down, folks.
I had my 32-week midwife appointment this morning. I'm measuring measuring 34 weeks at this point, which is super heartening to me as it just might mean she'll come early. Whether it means that or not, I thoroughly appreciate the attitude boost it gives me.
My midwife and I decided we don't think she's a particularly large baby at this point. It still seems like she has room to move, which this far along my bigger babies didn't, and it was readily apparent to me as I got pummeled from the inside out. So that's also heartening to me right now. I love all my 8+ lb babies because they eat so well and thrive fast, but heck, having this one be in the 7-lb range would be completely welcome for the whole giving birth part and still be a plenty healthy size. I haven't even the slightest clue how big she'll actually be, so this is all conjecture and forecast, but that is what it is.
It's gotten really hard to sleep of late and that's done a number on my mental state. It's really easy to get frustrated over everything these days, so I'm definitely doing my best to find ways to stay positive. It just goes with the end of pregnancy that this is the biggest struggle, so it's all normal, but I'm in the thick of it right now.
I didn't think it was possible after my other three pregnancies to carry a baby more in front than I did before, but sure enough, this one is proving me wrong. It makes my back pretty sore, and I was concerned that I would tear muscles like I did with Genevieve, but so far so good. I have lots of contractions all the time, as is also pretty normal after multiple pregnancies, and anytime I do anything of even minimal effort, my poor body rebels, but hey, I can now say this baby is coming next month and that is golden. Also, my mom just booked her ticket to come help me with the baby, and that totally makes my day.
So there it is. Pregnancy at 32 weeks 4 days. I'm counting down, folks.
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