Why I Haven't Blogged Lately

I keep thinking I should sit down and write a blog entry, but every time I do I wonder what in the world I should write about. This blog has historically been a place to share projects I've done, adventures Bill and I have gone on, and other entertaining things that make our lives amusing. The fact is, lately things have gotten rather boring around here, and the things I am doing don't seem so interesting to share.  I read a friend's blog post today though, and it inspired me to write about something different.

I have been struggling lately with being content.  There are lots of reasons for this.  I'm in my first trimester of pregnancy and dealing with all that comes with that.  I can't even really complain about it because my symptoms aren't that bad. I have not thrown up, I have only gotten close a couple of times, and most of the time I feel pretty good. But there are times every day that I don't, and they are frustrating. Maybe if I was super busy and the days were passing quickly I would not find it a problem, but time is moving very slowly right now.  I am starting to expand in areas I kind of wish I weren't, though it's really only me that can see it. Call me crazy since I wanted to be pregnant, but hey, every pregnant girl goes through it.

It is very hot these days in Las Vegas.  I think it hit 113 degrees yesterday and that seems to be the norm for around 5PM these days.  I can bare the heat enough to work outside on some of my building projects until about 11AM or noon.  That is when the shade goes away on the back porch and the varnish starts drying too fast or I am sweaty beyond belief and can't deal with it anymore. In my friend's post I linked to above, she talked about getting married so young that she had not yet defined who she was, so now she wonders who she was before she was Simon's mom.  I didn't get married young.  I had plenty of years to find myself and I feel pretty good about what I found. I love the outdoors. I love to be active. I like playing sports and hiking and rock climbing and those kinds of things.  Adventures make my life interesting and that's why this blog is mostly about the ones Bill and I have.  This heat is seriously cramping my style.  Oh, and being in a new place without good friends and people to do things with.  I have felt more isolated this summer than I have in years.  I think it is the lack of interaction with people during the day and the lack of things to do.  We came to Las Vegas because Bill got an amazing internship that pays really well and we were excited to be near his family.  They are wonderful.  It is really fun to live near them.  But in the process I sacrificed a number of excellent internship opportunities of my own and nothing much has surfaced since we got here.  It does look like I have found some volunteer opportunities with the city, so hopefully some good will come of that.  I just got a phone call about it yesterday so I do not know the details yet. 

Below it all, I have some huge uncertainties about the future.  I'm so excited to get back into school in August.  At the same time, I only have one year left until my college education ends for good.  I just don't see a PhD in my future, so this looks to be the end of the road for full time schooling.  I imagine I will take classes in the future, but never a full time program again.  The fact is, I love going to school. I adore learning and having projects and papers and things that I feel like i have accomplished.  Coming back to grad school after three years in the workforce was a dream come true for me despite not having a clue what I was going to do with the degree or what path my life would take.  I am a firm believer in the value of education whether I am making big bucks from it or not.  But now that I see the end in sight, it is bittersweet.  I'm having this baby the first month of my last semester.  How the heck is that even going to work?!  I have no regrets over being pregnant now, but I am trying not to think about how hard those first three months are going to be.  Then when they are over, I'm trying not to think about what it will be like to be done with school and not have a clue what to do with myself.  I'm sure wonderful things will come with starting motherhood and having an infant to care for, but I still wonder and worry and particularly as my level of contentedness this summer has swiftly diminished over time, I just think about the future and hope something changes in me between now and next summer.

This has gotten a bit too serious even for me. :)  I'm not doing terrible, but I do have these worries and fears that I am dealing with and writing about them helps.  I know I'm not the only one out there who has thought of these things and wondered how they will survive and be happy and content.  Things will work out, and in the meantime I'll keep trying to find interesting things to do despite the blasted heat.  I have never been a fan of Las Vegas, but I made a valiant effort coming down here to give it a fair chance.  It really is a nice place, but this cramping of mine and Bill's lifestyle is driving me a bit bonkers.  Mountains and trees and beautiful hikes and mountain vistas, how I miss you!  Bill is going to have to get one seriously amazing job offer for us to come back to Las Vegas for good or go to Phoenix or some other place this hot in the summertime.  It really should not be allowed.  I will do my best not to complain about temperatures in the 90s ever again.  That is cool people!